


Trapped

by Naughty_Owl (Perching_Owl)



Series: Among the stars [1]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Anal Sex, Don't copy to another site, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Not Beta Read, Porn With Plot, Sex Pollen, the tags make it worse than it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 12:16:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18180491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perching_Owl/pseuds/Naughty_Owl
Summary: 'And how does one alleviate the symptoms?' The exasperation in Pike's voice is now audible.There is silence on the other end, until it is interrupted by Tilly of all people, 'It's basically fuck-or-die, Sir, like those horrible Sci-Fi pornos from the twentieth and twenty-first century, alright, and oh-my-gosh, I can't believe I said that to a senior officer.'Ash Tyler is trapped yet again on a shuttle with Captain Pike. And of course, even when the rescue of Risa goes smoothly, the gifts of the ambassador leave them confined to said shuttle with a pathogen that affects them both.





	Trapped

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be short. Like a 2.000 max of rough making out, torn clothes, leading to getting rid of the tension between the two of them. Yeah, well, then I got thinking about the dubious nature of sex pollen and consent, Ash's trauma and well, then porn with rediscovering "sex is good and fun even if it happens under dubious circumstances" happened. So, the tags make it far worse than it is (in my opinion), but if you want to be sure check the endnotes for some more spoiler-y details. 
> 
> Other than that - please enjoy.

'What do you mean you can't let us land?' Pike asks, expression incredulous. His hand moves to the info screen, absent-mindedly switching between fuel consumption and life support display. 

'You appear to have a contagion on board, Sir,' Michael's voice on the other end of the line is measured and sounding much more like a Vulcan than a human. Ash can picture herself shifting, hands behind her back, crease forming on her forehead. Whatever they have on board, it is definitely making her uncomfortable. 

'And what does it do?' 

'Apparently it-'

'We don't-'

'-can't be sure.' 

'-Risa.' 

'Hold everyone. One at a time, please,' Pike interrupts the chatter on the other end, which consists of Michael, Saru and Tilly. Ash sinks back into his chair, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He doesn't feel like there is something in the air. In facht he feels good. Relatively speaking that is. His body is pain-free, but almost perpetually exhausted from the stress of being on-board the Discovery, from the nightmares, which wake him and from the memories, of which he isn't sure are even his. But he isn't in any pain, so that's a plus. 

The chattering has stopped and apparently Saru has decided to inform them of their predicament, 'Captain. The presents given by the Risan ambassador apparently included something, which releases a pathogen in the air. It doesn't appear to be deadly in most cases, quite the opposite in fact, but the shuttle needs to stay outside of the Discovery. As protocol demands I am afraid. Furthermore, the Risan ambassador has profusely apologised for the mix-up and breach of etiquette.' 

'Well, tell the ambassador the next time they have the red angel appear on them we don't need any gifts,' Pike sighs. For the briefest of moments Ash sees exhaustion and resignation on the captain's features, but it is gone so quick, he can't be sure. 

Instead his mind supplies him with the massive volcano they have just prevented from erupting on Risa. It would have torn the planet apart or at the very least turned the lush paradise into desolate wasteland. Preventing that had taken a considerable amount of skill as they had needed to fly a shuttle into the volcano, drop 'a bomb of awesome science' -as Tilly had put it- into it and then fly off again. In the end that had gone off without a hitch. But of course the universe finds some way to screw them over, even if it is only receiving gifts for their heroic rescue from the Risan ambassador's.

He shakes his head, focusing back on the conversation. 

'-take about twelve to twenty-fours to dissolve,' Tilly says. Even though the connection is tinny, she sounds nervous. 

'And what does it do?' Ash asks. 

'Apparently side effects include euphoria, in general heightened senses, especially touch and taste, heightened temperature, increased libido and under extreme circumstances death,' Saru rattles off. 'That's at least what the ambassador told me happens when it is used during festivities. It might be more potent in the small room of a shuttle.' 

'What did the ambassador mean by extreme circumstances?' Pike's voice hasn't risen in pitch. His eyebrows however are another matter entirely. 

'Well-' Saru breaks off, out of a sudden hesitant. 'Apparently the pathogen isn't so much a drug as it is an aphrodisiac, which can lead to more extreme reactions in some as in others. Should the 'he breaks off, then starts again, 'Should the symptoms not be elevated, they can be deadly. But that only appears to be true in a small number of cases.' 

'And how does one alleviate the symptoms?' The exasperation in Pike's voice is now audible. He leans back in the shuttle seat. It's not unlike he usually sits in the captain's chair. 

There is silence on the other end, until it is interrupted by Tilly of all people, 'It's basically fuck-or-die, Sir, like those horrible Sci-Fi pornos from the twentieth and twenty-first century, alright, and oh-my-gosh, I can't believe I said that to a senior officer, but it really is and I am so sorry- I am shutting up now.' Ash's mouth has gone dry and his heart is hammering in his chest. He can't rely believe what he is hearing. 

'What Ensign Tilly wants to say is orgasms relieve the symptoms, Sir,' Michael adds. 'And for the moment there appears nothing we can do. Should this turn into a medical emergency we will bring the shuttle on board, but Doctor Pollack has assured me it should be nothing more than minor inconvenience in a shuttle, but a major annoyance on a vessel such as the Discovery.' 

'Alright, understood. Well, that settles Lieutenant Taylor and I staying here. Should any imminent leads on the red angel arrive, you have my full trust and authority to investigate it.' 

There is positive murmur from the other side and Pike shuts the comm off with a sigh. A weary glance is thrown into Ash's direction and the captain says, 'Well, looks like we will spend at least twelve hours together.' 

'At least it's not all of eternity,' Ash points out with a humour he doesn't feel. Apparently facing dire situations in shuttles is becoming a new trend in his life. 

Pike laughs, more a short bark really, but something inside the captain relaxes. He puts a foot against the console and then pushes himself off, casually spinning the chair around and Ash cannot help himself but be aware of his movements. It's a thing that is worse with some people than others, but especially with Pike. He knows where the other one, is, always tracking the captain's movements. 

Maybe it is because Pike is a captain - either because it is ingrained in him to be aware of that rank or because Pike is an attractive man and moves with that easy confidence. Most likely it might be part of his PTSD, he thinks. Part of the stress, part of the fact, that he is neither completely Ash Taylor nor is he Voq. On good days, he barely realises there is another presence inside of him and then there are situations where the memories bubble up, surround him, try to drown him and he needs everything to hold onto his sanity. But for the most part he is Ash Tyler, even though Voq is not really fading, but quietening, settling, and usually his presence is more of an echo. An echo that is always there. 

Pike moves to stand up, strides towards the back of the shuttle and takes inventory of what they have in the back. 

Of course, saving Risa had been a priority, but the shuttles are supposed to always be fully-packed in case of emergency situations just like this one. So a moment later Pike makes a triumphant noise. 'There are MREs if you want them, but also a bar of chocolate per person, a packet of juice and a few water battles.' 

'At least we won't starve,' Ash leans forward and begins to check the console in front of him. 'On the entertainment-front it is looking decidedly bleak though. Nothing recent uploaded onto the shuttle, not even scientific papers.' 

'We could always play flight-deck buckaroo,' Pike says. 'But that might be irresponsible and only a last ditch effort.' He steps closer to the console, behind Ash, one hand on the back of Ash's chair. It almost makes him shiver. It's not really the feeling of a threat though, just the awareness of him being there. 

'We could always sleep, Sir,' Ash points out and turns his chair around. Pike lets his hand glide of the chair, nonchalant in his movement and he makes a few adjustments to the auto-pilot. His other hands holds onto two chocolate bar. He hands one to Ash, who gives him a nod as thanks. 

Pike opens his own bar of chocolate, breaks a piece of and slips it into his mouth. His thin lips close around the dark chocolate, white teeth holding it in place and Ash can't believe he is observing the captain this intently. He can feel a frown forming on his forehead. 

Apparently Pike realises he is being watched and he looks up, 'Something wrong?' 

'Only if we spend twelve or twenty-four hours in here - do you think it's wise to eat the chocolate now?' 

Pike snorts, 'Well, rather a piece now than later. Besides there is still enough to get me to survive those twelve hours. Later I might not appreciate a good piece of chocolate.' 

Ash sighs, 'Perhaps we should just sleep. After all the pathogen might not actually affect us that much.' Besides if he is asleep he has less time to spend on being aware of Pike's every bloody movement. 

'Go ahead, the benches in the back don't look that comfortable, but it is better than the floor. Blankets are at the very back beneath the rations.' 

Ash nods, stands up and as he does so, he almost brushes against Pike's shoulder. The shuttle isn't big and so the captain doesn't have much room to move away from him, but he tries to and for a moment the scent of Pike envelopes him, comfortable and warm, something wooden and homely. It's a strange sensation that he has to admit, but he shakes it off and makes his way to the back. There are indeed blankets, thick and comfortable and not the environmental protection things, which always look like sheets of aluminium and just as cuddly. 

Behind him he hears rustling and he very deliberately doesn't turn around. It doesn't pay to play into his paranoia and check on what the captain is doing. After all, Pike has started trusting him after the last incident in a shuttle this size. When the shift from hostile outsider to trusted member of the crew had occurred he isn't sure about, but Pike has started treating him like he treated anyone else on the bridge. 

Ash takes out a blanket, then turns to Pike, who is standing above the pilot's console. His pose is easy, one arm supporting him with the chocolate bar still in his hand, one hand typing into the console. His arse is almost pushed out, one leg straight while the other one is up on the console between the two chairs. It shouldn't make Ash pause, but something about his posture does. 

He shakes his head and asks, 'Do you want a blanket as well?' 

Pike looks over his shoulder, 'No, I've just requested todays reports. They might help me fall asleep but I can get a blanket myself then.' A small quirk around the corners of his mouth has formed. 

Ash nods, moves towards the benches and then proceeds to make himself comfortable. It's not easy, lying stretched out over the seats and it is not as nice as a proper bed, but he has slept on worse. He closes his eyes, forcing his body to relax, to take this pause as it is. At the front of the shuttle, he can hear Pike's gentle typing on the screen, just barely above the hum of the engine. 

He drops off to sleep faster than he realises.

* * *

When Ash wakes again he is disorientated. He has expected to wake with a start, shivering and soft pleas almost passing his lips, but this time he has woken up because of something else. 

His eyes snap open. 

Above him is the shuttle's ceiling, grey and unimposing. Oh, yeah, volcano, Risan ambassador with weird pathogen and now he has to spend the time waiting for it to dissolve with his captain in the shuttle. For how long has he slept? 

He is warm, almost hot. Dimly he recalls Saru listing off the symptoms and yes, fever has been on it. Quite a few other symptoms as well and if he thinks about it much more closely, they add up. He is relaxed, a bit hazy, but surprisingly content. It's a strange feeling because he knows before all of this happened he needn't have ingested drugs to reach this state. A simple meal with friends, laughing and swapping stories, enjoying the water out on the sea after a race, breathing heavy, but the feeling of victory flooding his body, a lazy Saturday morning, spent, wrapped around a lover and trading slow kisses. 

Nowadays he feels like he barely clings onto his sanity and everywhere he looks there are risks, enemies, and it leaves him frantic, scrambling, to ensure he survives. 

But for now it has been pushed to the side. He feels like he can breathe. He reveals in the feeling of calm that has settled over him, so much so, he is almost ready to drop off to sleep again, almost secure in the knowledge that there won't be any nightmares. 

Except - something tugs at the corner of his mind, something isn't like it should be and it pulls him away from sleep. He opens his eyes again, blinking. 

A soft sound moan, barely above the gentle, low hum of the engine, makes Ash move his head up a bit. He has almost forgot about Pike. 

Pike, who is in the same shuttle as him. Ash looks to the side, but Pike hasn't made himself comfortable on the other side of the shuttle on the seats. Neither is he in the back, only when Ash lifts his head up, he sees the captain. 

He hasn't expected for Pike to be more affected by the pathogen than he is. But the image that presents himself is tantalising. They are hovering a safe distance away from the discovery, the sun of the system illuminating the interior in soft oranges, yellows and reds. The light is also illuminating Pike, who is sitting in the pilot's chair, one foot up on the chair itself, leaned back and relaxed. His eyes are closed, lower lip beneath his teeth. His face is not only red from the sun, but also because of the flush over his cheeks. He has taken off the utility jacket and Ash's eyes wander lower. The angle at which Pike is sitting is just enough for him to see him palming his cock through his uniform. 

Ash can see Pike is hard and almost painfully so as it appears. He wants to reach for the captain, run a hand over that erection, slowly, take his time- and damn. It's been ages since he felt attracted to another human - no, to another being. He hasn't expected that and so he watches. He watches Pike run a hand over his cock, once, twice, and then he reach for the band of his uniform and pull his trousers down. Pike's hand wraps around his cock, a whimper passing through his teeth and Ash hasn't realised how arousing that is until he feels how tight his own uniform has become. 

Pike makes another soft noise, barely suppressed, and Ash swallows. He wants. He wants to kiss Pike, wants to swallow those soft noises up with kisses, wants his hand wrapped around Pike's cock. 

It's still a surprise. 

He has felt a certain attraction to Michael. She has been amazing, understanding, but what has happened between the two of them feels like bridges that have burned so thoroughly they cannot be rebuild. And Pike is so much closer now. So much more real. 

Pike shifts in the seat, thrusting into his hand, another barely there moan wrung from his lips. His grip appears to tighten around his cock. For a moment Ash thinks Pike has seen him, but that doesn't appear to the case. It makes him realise how wrong that is. He is watching Pike, who clearly needs the privacy, who apparently thinks he is fast asleep. But then again they have been warned of the symptoms and hell, Tilly has called it a fuck-or-die situation.

It's probably an invasion of privacy, but he cannot look away. There is something alluring about Pike, the way he moves into his hand, how he has his head dropped back and his throat working with swallows and moans. Ash wants to kiss that throat, nib it and sucking the blood to the surface. He wants to mark Pike, wants to make him his. 

Ash fills himself harden as well, his trousers slowly becoming painfully tight. He hasn't expected to feel this way and yet he welcomes it. He welcomes the feeling of arousal, of the slow way, his skin starts to tingle, of the wants to touch and more surprisingly the need to be touched in return. He wants to feel hands softly glide over his skin, lovingly running over his sides, framing his face and pulling him down. He wants that suddenly so badly he cannot believe how he could have lived without it. 

Pike moans again, a bit louder this time. There is a fine layer of sweat on his forehead, his hand has speed up and then he shivers, a full body shudder, spilling over his hand and Ash wants to lick it all up, suck at those fingers. Pike's chest heaves and his head drops back again. He opens his eyes and Ash can see something akin to longing there. The role of a captain must be a lonely one, flickers through his mind. 

With a soft sigh Pike begins to move and Ash closes his eyes. He hopes Pike hasn't seen him, but apparently he needn't have worried as Pike only shifts in the chair and then he hears the captain gently type into the console once again. 

What is worse is that image of Pike in his head. He cannot get it out of his mind, of Pike jerking off in the pilot's chair, illuminated by the light of the sun. It shouldn't have turned him on so much, runs through his mind, but that feels more like an instinctual reaction. 

Ash's thoughts circle around what he has just witnessed. He hasn't thought about sex in a while. Thinking about it now with Pike has been enlightening. It doesn't seem as tainted, as a violation of himself. Not when he imagines it having sex with his captain. Not, when he thinks about long fingers, a warm smile and soft lips. Where would Pike like to be touched? What would make him moan, shiver, suck in a deep breath? 

Ash's mouth goes dry. He shifts, his hardness pressing against his trousers. And it isn't just his body's reaction. He has been hard after what happened, has even jerked off, but it hasn't been the same. It had been more like a chore, his mind wanting something else while his body needed the release. Maybe it's the spores, drugs, or whatever they have inhaled. But he is feeling good for once, at peace, and decides to relish in it. 

He doesn't realise when he falls asleep again.

* * *

The next time Ash wakes up, he hears a thud. It's followed by a barely suppressed groan. 

He blinks, the ceiling only slowly coming into focus. 

He is still aroused, still floating in it, yet the unexpected noise makes him open his eyes. The shuttle is still illuminated in a reddish light, the humming sound of the engine is a comforting background noise and he is warm, heavy blanket draped over him. 

He hears movement to his left. This time he looks towards it, still waking up. Pike has stretched out on the other bench. One leg has been pulled up on the bench, resting against the backrest at an angle. One hand is clenched in the blanket over his hip and his other hand has come to a rest against the bench. 

Ash frowns. Compared to him, Pike doesn't look relaxed. His hair isn't as immaculate, loose strands falling onto his forehead. He is biting his bottom lip and his face is flushed, a desperate expression on his face. 

'Are you alright, Captain Pike?' his voice is rough, mostly from sleep, some maybe even arousal. 

Pike throws him a glance. 'I'm fine, Mr. Tyler,' he answers, closing his eyes. 

The tightness of Pike's answer wakes Ash up more. Something is wrong, very wrong. He sits up, a slight wooziness washing over him, dimply recalling the elevated temperatures, and takes in Pike.

Pike swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing and he reaches for his collar, opening it. His fingers shake. With a sharp exhale he sits up, blanket pooling in his lap. He looks wreaked. 

'I don't think that is the case,' Ash responds. He follows a drop of sweat, which runs down Pike's temple, down the side of his face, over his jaw and along his throat. 

'It's-,' Pike starts, 'You don't need to bother.' He shifts and the blanket shifts in his lap. Ash can see the bulge in his trousers. The wave of need and want running through him is enough to make him pause. He wants to reach out, wrap his hand around Pike's errection, tug at him, make him moan, make him spill into his hand. 

'Sir,' Ash begins. He licks his lips. 'You aren't alright. This is affecting you more, isn't it?' 

Pike lets his head drop back against the window. It connects with a dull thud. Again it showcases the captain's throat, perfect for placing kisses there, sucking until there remains a lovely spec of colour against that pale throat. Ash is sure it should be illegal to leave one's collar open like this. 

Pike closes his eyes, swallows, then opens his eyes again, 'Yes, it is affecting me more than it should.' 

'Saru said it could affect us differently,' Ash points out. He stands up and walks to the back. It's only something to do, something that would keep him from straddling Pike's thighs, putting a hand in that hair and pulling him in for a kiss, all long and sensual. So he walks into the back. He reaches for the bottles, takes two out and walks over, back to Pike, who hasn't said anything and whose expression could only be described as miserable.

Standing before Pike though - it is worse than sitting in front of him. The height Pike is sitting at, makes him almost level with Ash's crotch and when he looks up, Ash can barely think about anything other than have those lips wrapped around his cock. He really wants to reach out, tilt Pike's chin up and then draw him into a kiss, make him groan, make him cum. 

Instead he holds out the water bottle. 'You should drink.' 

'Sure,' Pike responds. He reaches for the bottle. Their fingers brush. Ash needs to swallow while Pike averts his eyes and shifts. 

His captain uncaps the bottle, puts it to his mouth and takes a long swag. Damn that man and his throat, Ash thinks. He turns towards his bench. But something makes him stop. So he turns and asks, 'Sir, if you need something, I could be of service.' 

The moment it passes his lips, something inside of him relaxes. He wants this, wants to have this experience with Pike, maybe not only wants, but needs it. And he doesn't mind. Not with the situation they are in. They are simply going to help each other out. No harm in that. 

'What do you mean by that?' Pike starts. His cheeks have flushed even darker, but his eyes have taken on a haunted look. 

'I could help you with your problem, Sir. After all, Tilly has called it a fuck-or-die situation and quite frankly, if it helps to elevate the symptoms, we should do it.' 

Pike leans forward, hunching over with his elbows resting on his knees, and stares at the floor. When he looks up, his expression torn, 'You shouldn't offer something so easily. I can't take advantage of you like this.' 

Ash frowns, 'It's not an easy offer - for that you have to take me at face value. Besides, you wouldn't take advantage as I am offering.' He steps away to give them both more room and sinks down on his bench. 

'But I am your superior officer-' Pike starts. He still isn't looking happy, his teeth worrying at his lower lip, hand clenching and unclenching. 

'You actually aren't because I am Section 31-' Ash starts, crossing his arms. If Pike is going to remain stubborn and die, it won't be on his watch. 

'I am still responsible for the people on my ship.' 

'If that were true you cannot have any relations on the ship-' 

'-which I don't-' 

'There aren't regulations on having relations with someone on your ship, only with someone in your direct line of command. Quite frankly, you could even have a relationship with a medical officer because technically they are their own division,' Ash points out, a sense of smugness creeping into him. He leans back and is reminded of how he really isn't unaffected either as his cock pushes against the inseam of his uniform. 

'Why do you know that?' Pike asks. Some of his defensiveness has evaporated and instead curiosity remains. 

'Stamets told me in great length about it. At some point Hugh had to interrupt him because then we never going to hear about the proposal otherwise,' Ash responds. 

'Oh, who did propose to whom actually?' There is a hopeful glint on Pike's face. 

Ash opens his mouth, pauses and then settles for, 'Sir, I have the feeling you are trying to avoid the topic at hand.' 

'I might have hoped it would work as distraction,' Pike groans, leaning back again. His tension returns. 

'A distraction from your unease in taking up my offer or a distraction by talking about something different?' 

'Both would have been welcome at this point,' Pike gives him a quick, pained grin, 'And I am still responsible for you as someone on my ship.' 

'If you want to go down that road, you are responsible for my health as well. And I myself feel affected.' 

Pike's eyes snap up to him, then down to his lap where he is still half-hard. Ash shifts, drawing Pike's view to Ash's crotch and a soft whine comes from his captain's lips. He presses his lips together, before exhaling, and then with a shaky voice, starts 'I couldn't- I - if-.' 

Pike breaks off, something desperate in his voice. He is tense, knuckles white in the blanket over his lap. He looks away. 

So Ash stands up. Something compels him to move forward, to move closer to Pike and reach for him. He doesn't remain standing, instead dropping in front of him to his knees. He reaches for Pike's clenched fist and covers it with his own. He notes how warm even that hand is. Worry begins to rise within him, penetrating the haze of lust he feels. 

He reaches out, putting a hand against Pike's forehead. It's hot, too hot. Pike pulls back and almost away, but Ash tightens his grip, 'Don't. This is dangerous. Let me help. You aren't taking advantage of me. I'm offering.' 

'You are affected as well,' Pike points out. This close, Ash can see his eyes are dilated, his breathing is faster and his lips tremble. 

Ash moves his hand to the side of Pike's face and the man closes his eyes, leaning into. He wrenches himself away as soon as he realises what he is doing. Ash's hand drops to Pike's shoulder. 

'Chris,' Ash starts, 'this is dangerous. I am here. It -' he hesitates, 'I haven't found myself wanting someone in a while, but with you I would like to do that.' 

Pike nods. A short, sharp nod. Still there is uncertainty in a moment where he doesn't move, where he remains frozen as if the weight of his decision has caught up to him. Then a determined look settles on his face as he implores Ash, 'You need to take the lead, otherwise I don't know if I can do this. I'm yours.' 

Ash needs to swallow. He hasn't expected that. And yet he feels something inside of him loosen, curiosity and hunger unfurling inside of him. A corner of his mind wants to test that, wants to push it, wants to see Pike chocking on his cock, eyes watering, wants a strong grip around his captain's throat, wants to see his eyes screw shut at the pain, but at the same time he knows he is not going to do that. He knows what that violation feels like. And even worse is he knows Pike would let him do that, even though he wouldn't enjoy it. 

Therefor he says, 'Tell me to stop if you need to,' as he leans forward. Their lips are only inches apart. 

'I couldn't imagine that,' Pike murmurs, breath tingling on Ash's lips. 

Ash draws away from him and with force states, 'Tell me.' 

Pike's eyes move from his mouth to his eyes, meeting his gaze. Something he sees there, makes him pause and then say quietly, seriously, 'Alright.' 

It's enough for Ash. He moves, the hand resting on Pike's shoulder moving up to the man's face, and he pulls him forward. Their lips meet. Pike's lips are soft, parting easily and Ash runs his tongue over them, feeling the slight roughness where Pike must have bitten down, tasting the mixture of chocolate, iron and a day spend on the seaside with a glass of wine in one's hand. 

Pike's hands come up to rest on Ash's shoulders. He is keeping them there, his hands tightening only, neither pulling or pushing. They move closer to Ash's neck though, touching, fingertips brushing through the hair at the nape of Ash's neck, who presses closer. That careful movement makes Ash want more. His kissing becomes more insistent, more pushing, and he buries his hand in Pike's hair, feeling each strand between his fingers. 

Pike moans, an almost breathless sound, which vibrates through both of them. 

Ash reaches forward, putting his arms around him and pulling him down, into Ash's lap. Pike goes willingly, slipping into his lap wth a little less grace, and a lot eagerness. He ends up straddling Ash's thighs and it should feel good, after all he has pulled Pike there but it doesn't feel good, makes him anxious and he almost wants to push at Pike, push him off, tell him he can't do that. 

But Pike realises his tension, moving off his lap, not by much, but enough to give Ash space. He is hesitant again though, lip between his teeth. Ash can see him thinking about moving back even further, so he reaches out again, pulling Pike close, their lips meeting. Kissing is easy, familiar and he wants to lose himself in that for now, forgetting about the tension he has felt. And it's working, those soft lips moving against his, those hands in his hair. 

They break apart with Pike breathing heavily, his face is flushed and his hair mussed, all over his face. He is amazing runs through Ash's mind. Perhaps he is influenced by whatever is in the air, but again a feeling of belonging, of acceptance, washes over him. 

It doesn't change the fact though that he pulls Pike closer again. He moves them, pushing until Pike is lying on the floor of the shuttle, all stretched out, and Ash hovers over him, chasing those thin lips. And Pike meets him, hands reaching for him, running over Ash's beard, his jaw and then combing through his hair, tangling his fingers in it. 

There is no fight inside the other man, nothing that reminds him of violence, only softness in their kisses - yet there is passion in the openness with which Pike responds to him, in the way he opens his mouth, savouring their kisses, in the way Pike's hands tighten and then loosen in his hair, trying not to cling, in the way Pike almost arches up against him, legs falling open, enabling Ash to move between them. 

And Ash cannot help himself, but lean down and chase that passion, enjoy those hands in his hair and move between those long legs. He props himself up on one elbow beside Pike's head, his other hand running over the uniform, trailing along the zipper and then over a strong thigh, hitching it up. It brings their groins together, makes it easier to grind down. 

Pike gasps into the kiss, not quite breaking it. It's an almost pleading sound, which makes Ash move his hand forward to cover Pike's erection. A soft curse falls from those damned lips and he almost thrusts up against Ash's hand, cheeks red and eyes half-lidded. The image reminds him that beside kissing there are also other rather urgent things they should take care of. However he finds himself unwilling to hurry. 

Nonetheless Ash leans down, placing a kiss against the corner of Pike's mouth, then his jaw and his throat. His hand moves up to the zipper, the slight noise of disappointment from above making him smile. When he opens the zipper though he continues his kisses, following the freshly revealed skin. Pike's skin tastes salty and clean like the sea, not of rust and ashes, like the dark places his mind takes him. 

Ash lingers at Pike's sternum, feeling the other one's heart beat against it, strong and pulsing. He opens the rest of the jacket and lets his hand run over Pike's stomach, the soft skin, the muscles rippling underneath as Pike shivers. 

It's almost too much, the responsiveness, the ease with which Pike gives himself over to pleasure, now that he has allowed himself to, and it perhaps it shouldn't be this arousing, but it is. He is hard in his trousers, painfully so. He needs to pause, his breath heavy and he sits back on his heels though the image is not any less mouth-watering than before. 

Pike's chest is heaving, clearly visible with his opened uniform. A flush covers his cheeks, his neck. His lips are swollen from kissing. There is a slight smile on Pike's face, and it broadens when he looks at Ash, 'Decided to leave me hanging?' His voice is rough, wreaked, and it cannot hide the desperation despite the playful tone. 

Ash smiles back, 'Just enjoying the view.' 

He reaches out for Pike's trousers, opening them with shaking fingers. He is surprised it is not trepidation, but anticipation. Yet his mouth is dry, as he peels the trousers of Pike, who raises his hips and it makes it easier to get rid of them. Even though the boots prove to be difficult, which elicits a laugh from Pike, almost desperate. Somehow they manage though and then Pike is naked beneath him, except for his jacket, his erection leaking onto his stomach. 

Ash runs a finger over Pike's cock and Pike gasps, almost arching into the touch, biting his lip. It makes Ash reaches out, run his finger over those lips. Pike opens his mouth, his tongue touching Ash's fingertips, before swirling around them, and Ash needs to close his eyes for a moment and breath. There is something incredibly arousing about Pike's tongue, about Pike being so open with him, welcoming those fingers easily. 

He pulls his fingers back, coated in saliva and he gets what Pike is trying to tell him, especially as the other one shifts, letting his legs fall open further. Ash's breathes out, a soft groan coming from him. 'Damn,' he curses softly. Then louder as he looks up to Pike, 'Are you sure?' 

'Please,' Pike responds roughly. He doesn't push though, doesn't even really ask for more. He is aroused enough to bring his point across though, aroused and leaking. 

The choice is easy, almost too easy, but something nags at the back of his mind, something that makes him pause. 

'No,' he responds, getting up. 

He sees Pike deflate, him dropping his head to the floor, a barely suppressed groan coming from him. When he looks back at Ash, his gaze is desperate, but he doesn't voice that. Instead he says, 'It's alright, Ash, I can take-' 

'No,' Ash interrupts him, putting a hand against his knee, 'No, I didn't mean that, Chris, we - no, we need proper lube.' His voice breaks off, rough, the need to convey that he still wants this, making the words tumble from his lips. Another thing he realises then is that he called the captain Chris, but it felt right, falling right of his tongue. 

'Oh,' Chris responds, losing some of that desperate edge. He swallows, Adam's apple bobbing, and Ash wants to lean down, place a kiss there. 'There should be some in the first-aid kit.' 

Ash nods, then gets up, wobbling on his feet. He cannot be quick enough to get to the first-aid kit, even though he nearly falls over one of Chris's discarded boots. His hand tremble with need as he shifts through it, but finally he has found a small package of petroleum jelly. 

As he turns, he sees Chris has closed a hand around his cock, thrusting into it. The light from the sun is painting him in soft reds and oranges, the insignia on his jacket, reflecting the light itself. Ash pauses, observing Pike, almost lost in pleasure, lips parted. A soft moan passes over them, which makes Ash spring into action, move back between those legs. He kisses Chris again, devouring those lips, catching those soft noises. 

His fingers work frantically to open the package and when he finally gets it open, he almost spills it over them. He coats his fingers liberally before trailing them over Chris's cock, further down and then circling his hole. Chris pushes against him, one hand back in Ash's hair, and Ash pushes a finger in. It makes Chris arch against him, gasp, his hand tighten in Ash's hair. 

His hand unclenches before almost clenching again and then relaxing. Another moan passes Chris's lips, this one, close to frustrated and he lets go. Ash moves the hand into his hair and encourages Chris to tighten his grip there, 'Just don't pull,' he whispers. 

'Alright,' Chris responds, voice shaking. 'Alright.' 

He fingers Chris open gently, taking all the time in the world, the need to cherish this a fraction greater than his desire, all the while placing gentle kisses against the inside of Chris's thigh. Chris doesn't urge him on even though Ash is sure he wants, but the hand tangled in his hair tightens, making shivers run down Ash's spine. Soft noises, moans and gasps interrupt the hum of the engine and it feels so right, so amazing, it leaves Ash shaken, wanting, no, craving more. He wants to sink into Chris, loose himself in that feeling of tightness and those kisses, tasting softness and acceptance. Yet this feeling of anticipation is in itself something he cannot help but relish. 

At some point though, Chris' whines, a quiet, pleading sound. It breaks some of that reverie he has been feeling and Ash realises how hard he is. His fingers shake too much though as he reaches for his trousers. He wants more, wants to be inside of Chris, yet he cannot help his trembling hands. He is almost about to curse, when a hand is laid on top of his. Chris reaches for the zipper, gently pushing it away. 'May I?' Chris asks. 

'Yes,' Ash responds immediately. 'Please,' he adds. 

Chris smiles at him, breathing heavy. His fingers move carefully, pulling the zipper down and Ash groans at the relief of his confining trousers finally opening. As his cock springs free, Ash surges forward, kissing Chris desperately, who responds by opening his mouth, responding. Yet he manages to take the urgency away, to soften the kiss. 

Ash reaches out, coating his erection in the remaining petroleum jelly. His breathing is quick and for a moment, he is isn't sure whether he can do this, whether he can be this intimate with someone. His breathing quickens. But then he feels a hand on his cheek and Chris guides him to look up. There is fondness and sincerity there, so open and so Chris, it hurts. So he leans forward, kissing those lips, sinking into that fondness. He calms, a sigh escaping him. 

Pike's arms loosely wind around his neck, fingertips brushing the hairline at Ash's neck. The feeling of safety and calmness settles over him and he lines himself up, gently pushing into his captain. Chris' legs fall open even wider, his feet brushing against Ash's calves, knees digging shortly into Ash's side. The moan from his lips vibrates though Ash, from his chest down to his stomach and then cock. He sinks further into Chris, who draws him closer, drawing him in further. As he arches up, Chris' erection becomes trapped between their stomachs and another whine falls from Chris's lips. 

Ash exhales shakily. He pulls back out before pushing back in, earning him another moan, a slight tightening of those long fingers. Chris is a sight to behold, his head thrown back, mouth falling open. His hair is a mess, his forehead covered in sweat, and Ash is swept away by how amazing that feeling of Chris wrapped around him is, with the man writhing underneath him. 

And Ash can tell Chris wants to. Chris wants to trust up, to push himself further onto Ash, wants to urge him on. But the thing is even in passion, Chris wouldn't do something like that - taking something that hasn't been offered to him, that isn't his to take. In that moment Ash feels a wave of desire and gratefulness wash throw him, gratefulness because Chris is so open and accepting of what has been given and desire because Chris can be that way, that open and enticing. 

He thrusts in harder, making Chris groan. Leaning forward, he whispers into Chris's ear, 'It's okay, you can let go.' 

Chris only answer is to groan, to draw Ash closer, burying his face in the juncture of Ash's neck and shoulder, breath hitting him in short puffs. His arms wind tighter around him, pulling him closer, and he feels Chris' erection pressing against his stomach. It makes him reach down, hands closing around Chris. He thrusts into him, the noises coming from Chris enough to urge him on, thrusting harder. 

Chris pulls him closer again, smashing their mouths together. He is getting closer, hands frantic all over Ash's back before tightening on his arms, a strong grip. A shiver runs through Chris, the moan muffled between their mouths as he spills over their stomachs. He grows tight around Ash, legs pulling him closer and Ash cannot help himself, but follow him over the edge. 

It's breath-taking and yet he finally feels able to breath as he shakes, thrusting once, twice. He collapses on Chris, his arm shaking too much to hold him up anymore. His face comes to a rest against the side of Chris's neck. His breathing is quick, still a bit shaky. But he feels relaxed, free for the first time in a long while. He hasn't expected to feel that, release - not only the physical, but emotional. He can't believe that he could have sex without thinking back, back to that dark place, where- he shivers, closes his eyes and buries his face against Chris's neck, hoping to go back to that pleasant feeling instead of his dark memories. 

Chris' arms wrap around his waist, loosely at first, then holding him closer as Ash shivers. One hand covers his shoulder blade, forefinger gently tracing the scar there. Ash relaxes into that touch, revels in it even. Chris shifts, lips brushing against his temple. 

They should probably get up and clean themselves, but it's comfortable, safe where he is and Chris doesn't make a move either. Ash reaches out, bringing his hand up to rest over Chris's heart. He feels its' beat against his head, slow and strong. It calming. One beat, another, and he finds his breathing matching the beats. 

Ash doesn't even realise when he drifts off, content and safe.

* * *

Ash wakes up slowly. Which is still a surprise. He has expected a start, a nightmare or memory. But he is laying on his back, pillow beneath his head, blanket thrown over him. He blinks as the ceiling of the shuttle coming into view. It's lighter than before, suggesting a slight correction to the shuttle's position. 

Ash is about to move to look for Chris when he becomes aware of the solid warmth against his side. A hand rests on his shoulder, Pike curled against him. His breathing is even. Yet as Ash moves to look at the other man, he opens his eyes. 

He looks tired, exhausted, slight apprehension in his eyes as they meet Ash's. For a moment neither of them speaks, Chris biting his lip. It draws Ash's attention towards them. They are still swollen, still red from kissing and he leans forward, capturing those lips. Chris responds, easily opening up, kissing back. 

They break apart and Ash rests his forehead against Chris's. 

'Thank you,' Ash whispers. He cannot find any other words that adequately betray what Chris has given him. 

'What for?' Chris mutters back, 'Shouldn't I be the one thanking you?' His voice is sleepy, languid, and warm. Ash wants to wrap himself in it. 

'It was good,' he responds. 

Chris quirks an eyebrow up, 'Only good?' 

'Maybe you shouldn't go fishing for complements,' Ash points out, but he cannot help the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

'Hm,' Chris murmurs. 'For me it was amazing. Even if it was due whatever that idol sprayed into the environment.' 

Ash can't help the snort, 'It beats the probe though.' 

Chris laughs, an open, honest sound, Ash would give a world for to hear again, 'Yes, at least no immediate threat.' 

'Death was listed as the side effects.' 

Chris pauses for a moment, corners of his mouth twitching as he tries to hold onto the joke, nevertheless it passes his lips, 'I might have died a little.' 

Ash chuckles, a bit at the corniness of it, a lot at Chris's proud tone, but they don't say anything, instead falling into for the moment comfortable silence. Something between them has changed, not only because of the sex, but something has shifted. Ash isn't sure if that is because of him, that something had loosened within him or if something has shifted in Chris as well, enabling the captain to leave himself more vulnerable. 

But it leaves him with a question, a question that is nagging him. He wants to continue to explore this, whatever this is with Chris, wants to continue it, but how can he phrase that? How can he ask for that, knowing his own history? He can't place that burden on Chris. Chris, who looks at him with smiles and warmth. 

The doubts come back, making Ash move away. Chris lets him, his hand falling onto the floor. For a moment, Ash can see something pass over Chris's face, something close to hurt, but it is gone as quickly and he cannot be sure. As Chris looks at him though, he isn't Chris anymore. He is Pike again - Captain of the Discovery, even if he is still mostly naked, semen drying on his skin. 

Ash wouldn't say the softness has vanished, but it is drawn tighter into the captain, lying low behind that stern expression that is the commanding officer. 

Pike sits up. He reaches for his trousers, pulling them on before he moves onto his jacket. He closes it now, fingers sure and confident, moving quickly. Getting up, he pauses though, giving Ash a small smile, 'If you ever are in need of a drink, you are more than welcome in my office.' It's worded carefully, trying to aim for casual, yet there is the tiny flicker of hope, which is enough for Ash to cling onto. 

Nonetheless Ash pauses, thinking about, before answering honestly, 'I'd look forward to it.'

**Author's Note:**

> So, I said in the beginning that I was going to write a bit more about the tags: I for my part think sex pollen or really any aphrodisiac used is going to lead to a situation where consent is at best mildly dubious and at worst outright not given, even if both parties are influenced by it. Also I hope I have made it clear, both of them having been thinking about the issues of consent. But it leads me to tagging this as choosing not to warn because I don't know how to warn for that. 
> 
> One another note - I really wanted to get this out there before the next episode airs because I'm not so sure if I like the direction the show will be taking. So apologies for any grammar or spelling errors. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this - comments and kudos are appreciated and if you have some thoughts on how to tag this mess, I'd be most grateful.


End file.
